5. The Batmobile

Depending on which version of Batman’s favoured mode of transport you consider to be the ‘official’ version, this point may vary, but ultimately reach the same conclusion. Let’s take the Batmobile from the 1989 Batman movie.

1989_batmobile

...21 feet

That thing is long. Plus it seems to have the maneuverability of a rock at high speeds. Remember how Batman had to shoot a grappling hook thing from the Batmobile that hooked onto a pole which allowed him to swing the car round a corner? Here’s some stills showing the same thing in the animated series. Can you imagine that thing on Grenada’s roads? Yeh, me neither.

Batmobile smartcar

Unless he drove this maybe...

 

Not to mention the potholes would seriously screw up his Bat-suspension.

4. Robin

The original Boy Wonder was a 12 year old circus acrobat when he became Batman’s sidekick.

Now obviously, there are no circuses in Grenada (except for that one time in Old Trafford with the stinky tigers but that doesn’t count), so Grenadian Robin can’t come from there. What other high-risk activity is there that exists in Grenada? And for a 12 year-old to boot?….

Like a bug with a bulb for a butt knows anything...

Ah of course. Flying kites near powerlines – every 12 year-old’s favourite past-time.

Ok, so our Grenadian Robin isn’t an acrobat, but instead flies kites near powerlines. So far so good. But what does he look like?  Which Grenadian in their right mind would dress like this?

Robin

"Don't mess with me! Grraargh!"

The tight lil pants…

…the colours..

..I mean who…

 

 

kirani

Oh.

 

3. The Secret Identity thing

Keeping a secret in Grenada is like trying to cut your lawn with scissors – sure you can try it, but you’ll end up getting nowhere fast.

Therefore, we really can’t see how Batman would be able to pull off the whole billionaire-playboy-by-day, dark-brooding-hero-by-night thing.  Let’s face facts. Chances are, if you’re reading this site, you’re a maco. (Hell, one of you is probably peeping me through my window as I type this.) Grenada is a tiny place – everybody knows everybody, which also means everybody knows everybody else’s business.

So when that rather large and noisy batmobile erupts forth from the side of a mountain below Wayne Manor, it won’t be hard for someone to say “wait a minute…that’s Bruce Wayne’s place…I wonder if…?”

Actually, scratch that. If Batman were really a Grenadian, he himself would’ve revealed his details all over Facebook:

Batman facebook

2. The Bat-gadgets

Unfortunately for Batman, there is no Morgan Freeman around to build him the best toys available for fighting crime. So what does he do? Why, he does what everyone else does.

Import them from the USA!

But wait, Grenada has like…the worst customs duties in..I dunno, the whole known Universe probably. You might think that might not pose a problem – Bruce Wayne is filthy rich after all. But what about keeping his Bat-identity a secret? (Well, as much as a secret as is possible. I mean, just because people think you’re Batman, it doesn’t mean you have to admit that you are.) We can’t imagine there’d be many rich suitors of bat related doodads around the place:

Customs Officer: And what the hell is this?

Bruce Wayne: Err…that would be Shark Repellent. You know, for repelling sharks.

Customs Officer: What’s with the Bat symbol on it?

Bruce Wayne: It’s er..it’s from Batlandia? In um…Asia?

Customs Officer: hmm…ah yes, Batlandia..That’ll be fifty-trillion dollars.

Bruce Wayne: #$%@!

 

1. The Villains

A homicidal clown with green hair and a purple suit releases poison gas into a crowded shopping mall, killing everyone. Batman swoops down – I dunno, from a palm tree or something – beats him up, and throws him in the mental hospital.

Come on.

That kind of nonsense just won’t fly in Grenada (and believe me, I know all about nonsense).

The Joker just killed dozens of people. You can’t just lock him up and call it a day. Where’s the justice? How does that make any sense, DC Comics?

(hint: it doesn’t.)

No, here in Grenada the people would DEMAND that the Joker be hanged (possibly from that same palm tree). And if the local authorities didn’t have the guts to do it, then the people would turn on Batman and DEMAND that he kill the Joker instead.

The problem is, Batman would never agree to this no matter how many people the Joker kills, because as everyone knows, Batman doesn’t kill people. He..

 

 

 

…….Screw it.

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