At the time of writing, the unofficial official explanation for Kirani James not having the Grenadian flag to parade around with after winning World Championship gold is:

The flag was on the other side of the stadium.

How lame.

Here’s what they could have said instead:

 

1. “The Flag is being studded with 24ct gold stars and a highly rare golden nutmeg. Surely you can’t expect the poor guy to carry that heavy thing?”

2. “NASA has fired the Flag up to the Moon, with a trajectory that should see it destroy and replace the American flag that’s there now. Kind of how Kirani destroyed and replaced LaShawn Merritt as the 400m champ. Just saying.”

3. “Flag? That old thing? Heavens no! We’re gathering all the finest Chinese cotton and silk and creating a giant Kirani James tapestry – so large, it’ll blot out the sun. As you can imagine, these things take time!”

4. “A team of top scientists and Batman are guarding the Flag, in an oxygen-sealed room. We’re gonna keep it in pristine condition for when we REALLY need it…at the 2012 OLYMPICS!”

5. “What’s a flag? Fffflllaaagg?? Come on, what kind of a word is that? How do you even spell that?”

 

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