The 17th annual Round the Island and Back Again Twice Boat Race was held up for 3 hours on Sunday, due to an unfortunate circumstance involving an intervening whale.

The whale stopped proceedings just 30 minutes into the event when he accidentally wandered into the path of the participating vessels. After stopping to ask for directions, the whale then became embroiled in an aggressive altercation with a sailor who did not appreciate the whale’s dental hygiene.


“He had fish guts and stuff stuck all between his teeth,” said one onlooker.

“It was quite disgusting, to be fair.”

The whale was said to have apologised profusely for the appearance of his teeth, stating several times that since he is a whale, he does not have access to a toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, or many other things humans take for granted.

“Like feet,” he argued. “I wish I had feet like you. You humans can walk, yet you chose to come out here in the sea. I wish I had the means and mental capacity and physical ability to come on land without killing my self.”

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