Gravity as we know it is a lie.

That is the astonishing claim being made by a local scientist this week.

“The idea that gravity pulls things towards large masses is ridiculous really,” said Dr. Ben Blahbering. “Why should we believe that nonsense?”

When asked for an alternate theory, Blahbering produced several complex diagrams, a Rubik’s Cube, and a hamster. He explained:

“Gravity doesn’t pull things downwards. In fact, I believe it pushes things from on top. Isn’t that more believable?

When the attending journalists all replied with “no”, Blahbering sat on the floor and burst into tears. He was later seen being escorted back to the mental hospital.

The hamster was set free.

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